we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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