break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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