Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
