Are we in a gay sports bar?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
