i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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