is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
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the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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