Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize