I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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