i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
