so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
