Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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