I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
