I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
