Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
