I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
