dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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