Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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