trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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