yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
