Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
