just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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