I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
