tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need to calm my uterus...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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