she was so not down for the gang bang
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
