woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
