A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
