Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
