It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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