This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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