And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
