what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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