pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
