you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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