Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
