Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
