i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
