im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
