Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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