My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
