Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize