I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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