I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
