That's intense
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
