Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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