She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
