Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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