OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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