Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.