This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.