***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
did i just pee glitter