I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
