I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.