Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?