This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
