Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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