and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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