If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
