if i can run in heels then i can drive
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
