Im at strip club and am horny
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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