it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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