i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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