U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Even my vagina gasped.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
