Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
