That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
