i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
