i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
