Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Alive.
So much puke
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
