Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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