thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
