So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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