he thought i was a dude.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
