I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
