Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
