evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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