he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
