it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need help removing her.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
