he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
