did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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