I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
