I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Small penises have feelings too.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
