and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
