He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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