everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
